News out of Liepzig, Germany, reports three female spectacled bears gone have suddenly, inexplicably, bald. The ursine nudity is causing quite a stir, with vets baffled and worldwide Internet porn purveyors perplexed to discover a type of naked they aren't currently making millions of dollars exploiting.Scientists suggest the problem may be genetic, as the bare bears show no other negative symptoms. A familiar baldness diagnosis sure to make Hair Club for Men members around the world punch the next scientist they see in their hairy face.
There have, of course, been other cases of strangely balding animals. Keep reading for evidence.
Remember this guy?
Of course, that's a result of self-balding, or as it is medically known, Britnetizing. And we all know of naturally bald critters the Bald Eagle, Bald Locust and Bald-Faced Liar.
Germany's newest baldies are attracting quite a crowd to the zoo, which is continuing to look into their situation and wallets. The most important question, however remains.
Are the mysterious bald bears somehow related to the disappearing honeybees and, if so, signs of a pending race of aerodynamic bee-shooting super-bears come to take over the Earth? In our opinion, almost certainly yes. And Asylum, for one, welcomes our nude, insect-spitting overlords. Frankly, it's about time.
